Trapped
by silver lightening
Summary: Sirius Black has fallen through the veil. Trapped between two worlds, he must decide whether to join the love of his life again or return to the living world and help in the battle against Voldemort. What will he decide? And what will be the consequences?


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Trapped

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter... If anyone thinks otherwise, they have major problems

Summary:

Sirius Black has fallen through the veil

Trapped between two worlds, he must decide whether to join the love of his life again or return to the living world and help in the battle against Voldemort

What will he decide?

And what will be the consequences?

Authors Note: I hope you like this. Please review once you're done. It would be much appreciated. Flames are accepted as long as they are constructive. Enjoy.

Told from Sirius' P.O.V.

* * *

I'm stuck between two worlds

The living and the dead

I don't know how

I don't know why

I don't even know how I know this

All I remember is falling through the veil

It kind of felt like floating through nothingness

Like nothing I'd ever experienced before

It was surreal

I remember dueling with Bellatrix, remembering that it was her who killed the love of my life

Then she hit me and I fell

Now I am stuck here

I am able to walk between the worlds but no-one knows I'm here

I can see her

She's just as beautiful as ever

I would give _anything_ just to hold her in my arms once more

To feel her soft sweet lips upon mine

To be with her again...

Forever

* * *

I don't know how I know this but I just do

In 3 days time, it will be the samhain

I can go to one of the worlds to stay there

I can see her once more

And James and Lily

I can apologize for everything

I can finally be happy again

* * *

I don't know what to do

I want to be with her so badly

But then I walk among the living world

I see everyone once more

They're all mourning for me

I don't know what to do

I don't know where to go

* * *

I have only 2 days left to decide

What on earth am I going to do?

Remus has locked himself in his house and won't speak to anyone

Harry won't stop crying and is wasting away to nothingness

Everyone else is crying too

I went back to the Department Of Mysteries today

I don't know why

I just needed to be back where it happened

After that, I went and watched as she lay asleep

Silky hair spread across the pillow

I long to be there with her

To feel her long slender fingers wrapped tightly around my waist

Just like they were every time I took her out on my broom

I long to see her eyes light up again

Just as they did whenever I saw her

Except for one time...

When Bellatrix came into our house

When she came at her, wand raised

And said the two words that echoed through my head and haunted me for the rest of my life.....

Avada Kedavra

* * *

Today is the last day I have to decide

I know I must go tomorrow

I am almost certain that I will go to be with her again

I cannot stand to live without her

The past 16 years of my life have been agony

Knowing that I had given up an opportunity to be with her again...

I just couldn't do that

I couldn't survive...

* * *

I have made my decision

I'm going to be with her once more

I'm going to be happy again

* * *

It is today

Tonight I can leave here

* * *

I don't know what to do anymore

While I was in the living world for the last time, I came across a group of Death Eaters

They were talking about Voldemort's next attack

They said he was going to attack Hogwarts

He wants Harry dead

He's not going to rest until Harry is out of the way

If I go back now, I can warn them

But then I will have to be apart from her again

Who knows, If I go back, I may never see her again

I may not get the chance to go there

I may be miserable for the rest of my life

What am I going to do?

* * *

I've made up my mind

I have to go back

I have to warn them

I have to help them fight

I have to do what is right...

But who is it right for?

And what about her?

* * *

Now is the time

I have to go one way or the other

I have to go and help fight

If only I could have one last goodbye...

* * *

The battle is over

Voldemort has been defeated

I want to go

I want to leave

I want this to be over so I can join her again

But I can't

And I don't no why

* * *

I spoke to Remus today

He told me to follow my heart and do what's right by me for once

Instead of what's right by everyone else

But I don't know how

It's like I'm trapped here now

I'm stuck in a nightmare with no way out

And that's the only thing I want

* * *

I knew I should never have come back

I knew it

Now I might never see her again...

I had a dream about her last night

She looked so scared

So afraid

Like she felt nothing could save her

And perhaps nothing can

* * *

I don't know what's happening

I don't know where I am

I feel small...

Empty

Alone

* * *

I can't do it

I don't know how

I'm lost

Confused

And still alone

Always alone

* * *

Perhaps it was never meant to be

Perhaps it's because she doesn't want me there

Perhaps none of them do

They all think I betrayed them

It's all my fault

* * *

Maybe she never truly loved me

No-one else ever did

My own family disowned me

And my best friend died because of me

* * *

I've never felt so afraid as I do now

Remus found me

He says he knows how I feel

But how can he

How can anyone

Nobody could ever feel as horrible as I do now

I know I have to die to get to her

But what if it doesn't work

And then I have no way out

I'll be trapped

In a black oblivion

With no possible way of escape

Ever

* * *

Remus and I sat in silence last night

Thinking

Remembering

Wishing

Dreaming

* * *

Every time I even think about her now I can feel the tears forming in my eyes

I don't want to cry

Haven't I already done that too much for one lifetime?

Haven't I suffered enough?

* * *

I want this all to end

I need it to be over

I need to let go

* * *

I couldn't stop the tears tonight

I realised this morning it was the day she died

Remus tried to comfort me, but nothing can

Nothing can bring her back

Nothing can release me from this

Nothing.

* * *

I cried myself to sleep

Remus sat with me

He's always been the quiet, smart, clever one

But I never realised until now, just how lucky I was to have a friend like him

* * *

Remus gave me something today

A scrapbook

Hers

Full of photos

Messages

Anything and everything that meant something to her

One thing in particular caught my eye...

An envelope with my name on it

I don't know if I can bring myself to open it

What if it proves that she hated me all along

I couldn't survive knowing the only person I had ever truly loved didn't feel the same

My life is already about as screwed up as it could possibly be

This is the only thing which could make it worse

* * *

Sirius,

I don't know why but I fear tonight will be my last

Please, don't make the rest of your life miserable because I'm no longer there

I will never forget you Sirius and I hope you never forget me

I have always loved you and I always will

I'll be watching you Sirius

I'll be waiting for you

You and me

Forever

* * *

She loved me

She really truly loved me

* * *

Remus says if I want to be with her, I must wait till the crescent moon

He says he will come with me if I want

I don't know if I'll let him

I've already put him through enough pain

Do I really need to make it worse?

* * *

I have three days left

Only three more days till I see her again

Three more days till she's mine

The two of us

Together

Forever

* * *

I now know why Remus wants to come with me

He wants to do the same as me

To be free of this world

To be with the people who he loves

The people who love him

Where he belongs

Where we both belong

* * *

It's tonight

I never thought it would be this nerve-racking

All the times I thought about ending my life

They never felt this awful

I'm still scared

Scared of dying

Scared of moving on

Scared of what I might find

Scared of seeing her again

Scared of what I might do

Scared of what I might say

Just plain terrified

* * *

We've decided to go to the lake at Hogwarts

It was always one of the places we spent most of our time at when we were there

I always heard that drowning was a fairly pain-free way to die.....

* * *

My hands are shaking

The tears running down my face are making my vision blurry

I have to.....

* * *

I need air...

I can't breathe...

I'm dying and nobody knows I'm here

* * *

This feels so strange

So unusual

Like being completely empty inside

As if I don't even exist

And maybe I don't

I've left the living world but I'm still not with the dead

So perhaps I don't exist

* * *

I can see her

Reaching out to me

As if she's glowing

As if she's the only other thing that exists

Her long slender fingers brush against mine

My heart skips a beat as she pulls me towards her

I've found her

She's mine again

Together

Always

Forever


End file.
